29.1. 20222
It's been a very bad day since the morning. The amount of paperwork to do for my trip to the US, arranging ESTA permits, booking for testing in Krakow airport, booking parking at the airport, email communications to plan my trip, kids, school, practicing guitar, free improvisation lesson, etc.
Into this I got a phone call from my mom. She told me that my grandmother, who has been in a geriatric ward in Košice for a month and a half, was in a very bad way. The nurse on the phone said that grandma had high fevers and was breathing with the help of an oxygen machine. Two family members can come to say goodbye to her BUT they must be vaccinated with the third dose and have a negative test for Covid 19.
I didn't know what to say to that. Only two of us on my mom's side of the family met those conditions. I didn't know how to prepare for such a separation. I didn't know what to say:
"Goodbye Grandma, have a good day, see you later, ...?"
It was a very difficult situation. I felt very sorry for her lying in the geriatric ward and staring at the wall. She was going to die alone with her thoughts. At the same time, I remembered Erik Truffaz writing to me after the New Year that his mother had died on January 1, 2022. She had been a recumbent patient for over a year. Erik had played her bedside goodbye.
Test
So my mom and I went in for the test. We both had a positive result. We were very surprised because my mother hadn't left the house for a few days and I had recently overcome Covid. My daughter has even had Covid twice in two months. I have a trip to the US coming up, so I am trying to be careful.
We paid and parted ways with the understanding that we probably won't say goodbye to my grandmother. I was very upset with the result and decided to take one more test at home. The test came back negative. Mum did too. We automatically made an appointment for a follow-up PCR test. Within 24 hours we got negative results. We paid 120 euros to prove that we didn't have Covid and we could go say goodbye to my grandmother. I could have bought a guitar with the money I've spent on tests over the last two years...
Meeting
I was scared of that meeting. At 2:30 pm we arrived at the geriatric ward in Košice, we checked in, they took our temperature and let us go to the 5th floor. There they checked our tests. We found out that vaccinations were not necessary. They also let us know that my grandmother had a roommate in her room and she had a visit. We have to give them 45 minutes and then switch. We ran out for coffee and returned 45 minutes later. They dressed us in blue "spacesuits" and gave us hats, gloves and face shields. I didn't believe my grandmother would recognize us like that.
We were given 15 minutes to say goodbye...
We walked down the long corridor like cosmonauts. We stopped at room 12. We walked in. I saw her. Anxiety gripped me. Grandma was asleep. There were tubes in her nose and an oxygen machine behind her head was making a loud noise. Mom addressed her. Grandma opened her eyes and saw two "cosmonauts". I put my shield down for a moment so she would recognize me. She was conscious and smiled. With a blue sterile glove, I grabbed her soft, warm hand and asked how she was. She returned my squeeze and said "Good" She was breathing very heavily. I realized how much air it takes for a person to say a word out loud. Grandma had it down to about two letters.
Mom fed her a banana and gave her a drink of water. She tossed off a few funny remarks to make Grandma laugh. They reminisced about the dog by the house, the whole family. Mom boasted that I would be going to America in a week. Grandma smiled and said very quietly for a few tries, "I'm going too..."
We all laughed. I had flashes of memories in my head. Grandma was lively, funny, cheerful and non-confrontational. Such a flower in the house. Now she's lying there in geriatrics, her daughter is feeding her in her "spacesuit", her grandson is holding her gloved hand, and she knows she doesn't have much time left.
The roommate
Her roommate may have been in her 90s. A shrunken white lady who had snow white hair on her head and pigments all over her body. She was all bone and skin. She approached me and asked if I would go get the nurse because she needed to go to the bathroom. I immediately went to find the nurse . She very calmly told me that the lady was wearing a diaper and I shouldn't take any notice of her. She has dementia and forgets she can't walk. I went back to the room. "The nurse will come." I said, turning to my grandmother, who was still being fed a banana by my mother.
"You're beautiful, you have soft skin, like an angel. When are you coming home? My mom said.
"I'm a beauty..." She said very quietly for a few tries.
The white haired lady spoke to me again. "Sir, excuse me, do you know what time it is? I need to go to the bathroom." Just then a nurse came into the room and handcuffed her hands to the bed.
I was very shocked. It was harsh, but they already knew her and she had probably told them something. Old age is cruel. A lady who was sometime my age. A fully active person eventually turns out like this... I felt sorry for her.
She kept talking to me. I had to start ignoring her. Time at my grandmother's was running out.
I took her hand one more time. We looked at each other through our shields. She tried to say something, but the breathing machine was louder. Mom had to lean in close to her mouth to understand her.
That's when the nurse ran out of "end of visits."
I told Grandma "Bye granda, I'll be back" and squeezed her hand tightly.
In a very soft voice she said "Goodbye" with a long o.
We left room number 12. The door closed. We left her lying there with the lady strapped to the bed in that little white room full of machines, syringes, juice, bananas and baby water.
Did we say goodbye? Or was that "bye" a hope that we'd see each other again?
Visits are forbidden. Grandma's still alive! What now?!
We'll have to get more tests and ask if we can come back to say goodbye again...
Maybe more than once.
I hope...
That is horrible treatment of the elderly. My heart hurts that the governments have de-humanized a natural process of human life. Brings back the pain felt losing my grandmother.