"On Fatherhood, Growing Up, and the Fragile Strength of Being There for Your Children"
I recently watched the series Adolescence on Netflix, and it struck me more deeply than I expected.
Not because I didn't know how painful the period of adolescence can be, but because after watching it, I found myself standing alone with my own questions.
And the biggest among them was: Am I a good father?
On the Thin Line Between Parenting and Life’s Unpredictability
Adolescence tells the story of a family where growing up turns into a storm that destroys everything around it.
A son, locked in his room behind a computer, hidden from the world, ends in a tragic act.
The parents ask themselves painful questions: What did we do wrong? Why does one child walk toward the light and the other toward the darkness?
The series shows something essential: there isn’t always a direct causal link.
You can do everything “right,” and yet the inner struggles of your child, the world, and their impulses may still lead them onto a different path.
Thus, the question of being a good father shifts.
It’s not about control. It’s not about perfection.
It’s about being there.
It’s about giving the child a foundation: love, respect, and a safe place where they can fall — and rise again.
Adolescence is a time when children get lost.
And we, as fathers, cannot save them from every fall.
Even I, as a father, don't know everything — and I am well aware of it.
We are sailing together with our children on one ship, in complete fog, where none of us knows exactly what lies ahead.
But we know we want to be together, and we know we want to keep seeking the way forward.
I realize that the clearest answers will come much later, when my children stand independently in the world.
Only then will it show whether they have found strength within themselves.
Not the strength to be perfect, but the strength to seek the truth, to rise after falling, and to believe in something greater.
That is when I will know whether we succeeded — or not.
Social Media as the New Landscape of Growing Up
Today, in the age of social media, where our children are exposed to a world that shapes them more than we can imagine, I realize that I cannot be everywhere.
The online space is a place that is very attractive and inviting — but at the same time, very dangerous.
That’s why I try to talk with my children every day.
After school, I ask my daughter:
"How was your day? What interesting things happened?"
It may sound simple, but within these questions are open doors that I keep ajar — always.
I want my children to know that whenever anything happens, they can come to me.
I don’t want to be their judge.
I want to be their friend, their support, the person who accepts them.
Because I know that I cannot guide them by the hand for their entire lives.
And I also know that if I tried too hard, it could have the opposite effect — stripping them of their own strength and trust in their own decisions.
True Freedom and the Courage to Fall
Freedom is only real when it is unpredictable.
It does not lie in preventing all falls, but in giving our children the courage to get back up.
In showing them that their own path, with all its twists and storms, is valuable precisely because it is theirs.
A good father is one who keeps asking. And one who keeps listening.
Maybe that’s why Adolescence will stay in my heart for a long time.
Because it showed not only the pain, but also the fragile, quiet heroism of being there for your children — even when their battle is sometimes beyond your reach.
In conclusion, I would like to add words I wrote for myself, as a small personal message:
"Let me be the one they can always return to.
Let them know that their love is not conditional on success or failure.
Let them know they are never truly alone, if they wish to find their way back."
David
Many of us are dumped into the role of "parent" without much of an "instruction manual" beyond traditional tropes, a few old adages, and maybe some sort of "holy scripture" (plus the examples, often bad, of our own parents). All of those can be helpful, but only if not held as absolutes. They do not at all prepare you for the kind of instant, and intense improvisation that life requires of a parent. Rule books and an kind of absolute attitude certainty don't work. And one's own parents' bad examples sometimes wind up surfacing in one's own behavior—despite all conscious efforts to prevent it. I have already raised my 3 sons and they are now grown and gone (mostly, one keeps bouncing back). I too, at times, feel like I wish I'd been a better father. Especially, I wish I'd had the same sort of self-examining sensitivity (early on) that you seem to have in your fatherhood journey. As a young parent, I made split-second decisions that I was so certain of at the time, and they turned out (often) to be totally wrong. Thank goodness I did not have to be a parent alone. My wife has always been the wiser parent of the two of us. And, most of all, she was more **present** with our boys. While I was off spending 60+ hours a week trying to make a living for us (and sometimes traveling), she often worked only 20, or 30 away from home, and spent much more time deliberately creating a life with our boys, and (most importantly) building their characters. I am very proud of them now. But they are not my handiwork, so much as hers. As we approach what is traditionally known as "Mothers' Day" here in the US, I think of that fact most of all. My hope and wish for you, David, is that you are not on your parenting "journey" all alone. Kids are resilient and can recover from a lot of things. Having a partner in the parenting role, can help an imperfect (human) parent recover and be resilient too. But it sounds like you are doing a good job already. So keep it up. All good wishes. Peace!